Circles and Hearts
by NormandyStarlight
Summary: After the falling of Fereldan's Circle of Magi, Liliwren Surana recounts the time she spent in there before joining the Grey Wardens - in an attempt to heal her broken heart. Cover art by liillin on Tumblr.


Liliwren Surana stared aimlessly into the camp's fire. Her eyes were empty, melancholy, the only light in them the reflection of the fire. She choked back tears, desperately trying to hold her outward appearance together, hiding her shattered heart inside. They had saved the Circle of Magi, but at what cost? The death of too many templars and too many mages. Mages she called teachers, mages she called colleagues. Mages she called friends.

And one mage she called her love.

 _Niall..._

She eyes shimmered, tears on the brink of flowing against her will.

"Hey," Alistair's voice lightly hummed as he sat down a few feet from her. She didn't turn to look at him. She tried so hard not to cry. And when she failed to respond, Alistair spoke up again. "Look, um, I know there isn't anything I can really say that will make this better, but I just wanted to let you know I'm here for you, friend. I can't imagine seeing my home utterly destroyed like that. It has to be hard."

"Hard doesn't even begin to describe it," Liliwren admitted, not taking her eyes away from the fire. She blinked, and tears unwillingly streamed down her cheek.

The distraught elf caught Alistair shift to face her from the just the corner of her eye. "Liliwren, I'm so sorry." His hand started to move towards her, but was recoiled as if on second thought. Her gaze remained fixated on the flames, her voice silent. Alistair cleared his throat, seemingly unsure of how else to comfort his grieving friend. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Him," Liliwren corrected. "I want to talk about _him."_ She wiped a tear from her eye.

Alistair scooted slightly closer to her, indicating she had his full attention. "The mage from The Fade?"

"Yes," Liliwren breathed and attempted to dry her eyes. "His name was Niall."

Alistair offered her a handkerchief. "He seemed special to you."

Liliwren took the favor without looking at her fellow Grey Warden and blotted her eyes. "He was more than _special_ to me, Alistair."

For the first time in the conversation, she turned to face her friend. "I love him," she admitted. "Loved him," she continued, confused. "He's gone now, and I..." her voice trailed off, her head drooped down towards her lap, tears littering her robes.

Another voice, familiar and feminine, broke into the conversation. "Feelings like that don't just vanish because of death," Wynne offered, sitting down next to Liliwren. The elder mage placed a hand on the younger one's shoulder. "We would gladly listen if you would like to tell us more about Niall."

"Did you not know him?" Liliwren asked, perking up slightly at her fellow mage's presence.

Wynne chuckled lightly. "Not like you did. The Niall I knew was a quiet herbalist with a never-flaunted talent for spell casting, rivaled only within the younger members of The Circle by you, my dear. I didn't know him on a personal level."

"And I didn't know him at all, really," Alistair added.

Liliwren smiled slightly. "Alright, then. I suppose the best way to honor his memory would be to tell his story."

" _Your_ story," Wynne and Alistair surprisingly said simultaneously.

For the first time all night, Liliwren let out a tiny giggle. " _Our_ story," she corrected.

* * *

Young bones ached, muscles strained and sore as Liliwren stretched, her body awakening for the first time since completing her Harrowing.

 _It's over. I survived,_ she realized as she yawned. _I suppose I'm no longer an apprentice now,_ she reflected as she took in her surroundings. She would be leaving these quarters and these people soon.

"Liliwren! You're awake!" a friendly voice called as it's owner approached ecstatically. A dark-haired human apprentice leaned against her bunk, his blue robes slightly swishing as he came to a halt from his hurried gait. "They say you completed your Harrowing in record time. That's amazing!"

Liliwren gave her friend a tired smile; she might have woken from her slumber, but she did not feel entirely awake yet. "Thanks, Jowan." She stood and stretched out her arms overhead, admiring her blue robes which would soon be replaced with golden ones.

"Right so, congratulations! I was also asked to let you know that First Enchanter Irving has asked to see you. He said to bring any personal affects with you. I suppose this will be the last we'll be seeing of you down here," Jowan's voice became progressively less excited as he delivered the message.

Liliwren patted her friend reassuringly on the shoulder. "You'll still see me around. Perhaps in the library or the chapel. I'll come say hi to my apprentice friends from time to time as well, I promise."

"You always were a good friend," Jowan smiled. "I hope they call for my Harrowing soon. I've been here even longer than you..." his worried tone trailed off.

"I'm sure they will soon, Jowan." Liliwren replied in a comforting tone as she gathered her things. He was then called away by another apprentice and wished Liliwren the best of luck.

In her small leather backpack, the young elven mage placed her notebook, quill, and bottle of ink. She rolled up the blanket her mother had made and sent with her, and stuck it between the straps of her backpack as she put the sack on. She smiled and sighed as she took in the view of the apprentice chambers one more time. Without delay, she pivoted and headed out, excitement in her peppy step.

As Liliwren exited the apprentice's quarters, she found a young templar acquaintance of hers waiting by the stairs.

"Hello, Cullen," she smiled. She had heard the rumors that this particular templar had a crush on her.

"Oh, h-hello Liliwren," he bumbled, giving Liliwren cause to think the rumors to be true.

He looked as though he had something else to say. "Something I can help you with?" Liliwren asked patiently.

Cullen visibly swallowed. "I'm just glad you passed your Harrowing. I would have had to have put you down if you hadn't. I would have felt bad about it, though, so I'm just really glad you're ok."

Liliwren grinned. Any sort of relationship with a templar is forbidden, she knew that, and she knew he did as well. Feeding his infatuation would just be unkind for both of them. "Thank you, Cullen," she replied diplomatically. "I've got to be seeing the First Enchanter now. I'll see you around," she smiled and nodded as she took her leave, hearing him sigh in relief as she departed.

* * *

Walking freely on the second level of the tower felt invigorating. The only other time she had been allowed up here was on the way to her Harrowing, but had been accompanied by a pair of templars and senior enchanters.

 _"Be strong-willed, and you will find this was no more than a slight interruption to your studies," Senior Enchanter Wynne had encouraged her._

 _"Mage rule #1: Never make a deal with a demon," her mentor, Senior Enchanter Uldred reminded her._

She smiled widely and sighed happily as she freely made her way through the new level of the tower. As she walked down the hall, she realized she wasn't entirely sure where the First Enchanter's office was. She found herself standing at the entrance of a large room with a gorgeous deep green rug. She glanced in, discovering towers of books. _A library,_ she inferred. Also inside were two friendly looking mages, one wearing the golden mages robes and one in red senior enchanter's robes. The two had been conversing, but stopped when they noticed Liliwren, still clad in blue apprentice robes.

"You must be the apprentice who just passed her Harrowing," the enchanter motioned for her to come and join them. As Liliwren approached, he continued speaking to her. "I hear congratulations are in order. That you've set a new record for speed in completing the Harrowing."

Liliwren blushed at the compliment. "I was simply using the skills The Circle has taught me to be successful."

The black moustache on the bearded senior enchanter shifted upward with his grin. "Yes, but you beat my old apprentice here's record! And I thought no one was as stubborn as my Niall," the enchanter chuckled, patting the other mage on the back.

The younger mage, who appeared to be named Niall, swallowed uncomfortably, his neck red with embarrassment. "Torrin, please." He sighed heavily. "Allow me to introduce myself properly, fellow mage. My name is Niall." He bowed slightly.

"Liliwren," the young elven mage curtseyed.

"Senior Enchanter Torrin," the bearded mage added with a nod. "Was there something you were looking for? You looked puzzled when you stopped outside the library," Torrin changed to a more professional tone.

Liliwren nodded, grateful the awkward conversation had ceased. "The First Enchanter's Office."

Torrin chuckled to himself. "Of course," he grinned, turning to the younger mage. "Niall, why don't you show her the way?" The question was clearly meant more of an order than a request.

Niall's skin began to flush slightly again, but his voice remained level as he responded. "Certainly," he motioned for Liliwren to exit the library from whence she had entered before.

After taking a few steps in silence, Liliwren smiled shyly and spoke up. "So, I broke your record, did I?"

"Evidently," Niall chuckled. "I never much paid attention to it. I'm positive Torrin cared more about it that I did."

The two let out a light laugh and their eyes met briefly. "He's your mentor, I take it?" she asked kindly.

"Was." Niall gently corrected. "Hasn't been since I passed my Harrowing. I've been directly under Irving since then."

"I see..." Liliwren's voice trailed off. _So many changes were happening all at once, and now it seems I may be getting a new mentor as well._

Niall's smooth voice broke her thoughts. "Who was your mentor?"

"Uldred," Liliwren answered simply.

"Oh," Niall responded sympathetically.

"Actually," Liliwren grinned. "He was always tough on me, sure, but I learned a lot from him. He pushed me to be the very best I could be; I wouldn't have chosen a different mentor if I could have."

Niall smiled. "Well I'm glad someone appreciates him."

Silence filled the hall they traveled through yet again, but Liliwren was too full of questions to allow it to remain so.

"You said you study under the First Enchanter now?" she inquired, looking up at the taller, dark haired human.

"Yes," he smiled and nodded, glancing down at Liliwren with a shy smile on his face. "Well, more like he oversees and guides me in my research," he clarified.

Liliwren had always been intrigued by magical research. With her Harrowing over, she was looking forward to choosing something to study more in depth. _The possibilities,_ she mused. "What is it you're researching?" she asked as the two came to a stop.

"I suppose I'll have to answer that later," Niall gestured to the open door of the First Enchanter's Office. A few others were inside, but when Irving saw Liliwren, he made eye contact with her and motioned for her to join them.

She looked up to her new friend before heading in to see the First Enchanter. "I look forward to hearing all about it. Thank you, Niall." She smiled up at his slightly flushed face.

"You're, um, quite welcome," he managed, nervously. "I'll see you around."

Liliwren nodded goodbye and bounced into the First Enchanter's office.

* * *

 **Author's Note: Thank you to anyone who might be reading this story about my Surana before she became a Grey Warden! I hope you enjoy this bittersweet tale.**


End file.
